Why did you care so much? Why did it matter? And now, you don’t even care. Now, it doesn’t even matter. You’re such a jerk! It shouldn’t even matter how I feel, you should still act the same as if nothing happened :/
if you start talking to me everyday and night, i’m obviously gonna get attached to you. even if i never planned to in the first place, i will. so before you start getting close to me, make sure that you won’t just suddenly leave me. cause you know, that happens to me a lot.
Once upon a time, I fell in love with my bestfriend.
[From his perspective..]
Talking to her became part of my Daily Routine. Every morning, her voice was the first thing I heard. She would call the moment she woke up, and no matter how exhausted I was, how early it was, it didn’t stop me from smiling and saying good morning.Then at Nine o’clock EXACTLY, she would call and we would talk until she fell asleep. And I would stay on and listen to her, she talks in her sleep sometimes. How much I wished I could be there and kiss her. She would never know.
She is the most beautiful thing my eyes ever set on. She never wore make up, and That’s how I liked it. She always smiled, at the tiniest things. Anything really, and her laugh? Oh man her laugh. She hated it, but she could never stop. And no matter how crappy my day was, when I heard her laugh, my heart would soar.
Then there were the days, when I thought she would stop smiling. When I thought she would never stop crying. Man.. Have you ever felt so helpless in your entire life? And it hurts, that we live far away, and I can’t be there to hold her. And you know what killed me? The reason why she cried. Because of some stupid guy that broke her heart. And I KNOW I could keep her smiling. I would never hurt her. Because I love her. Not that bull shitted love her boyfriend fed her. The kind of love that did not need any reminder. It would be a subconscious thing to know that I, with all my heart, Loved her.
And then the next days she would be okay. Like nothing happened. I’ve always admired how strong she was. No matter how much she was dying inside, she never changed. It just became a bit harder for her to smile..but she got through it.
I thought we were falling mutually in love, but my better mind knew it wasn’t true. It was just a fact, that all I was to her was her bestfriend. Nothing more. But there were those days That I would believe otherwise. and It gave me hope, but being realistic, she did not love back. I know she had mixed feelings, and I know it be easier to drop these feelings. But I had to keep trying..
And then one day. We had a big fight. I don’t understand what was happening, but we were both angry and yelling. I said things I regret in the past and present.. But this fight, was my biggest regret. She was crying now, and said the words that broke my heart, I am not your girlfriend. And I am sure I will never be! But I am your bestfriend, and thats what I’ll always be. Damn. It hurt so much. She hung up and said we needed space until I realized we are only friends. Until I let go.. but I love her so much.. It’s been about two months now, and we haven’t said a word to each other. I miss her so much. And I can’t decide what hurts more: Loving her and watching her get hurt, or Loving her and not knowing how she is/end.
Dear bestfriend: I love you, and I wish I could love you back the right way.
but honestly, we will can never anything more than friends.
Like right when you meet you can already feel good vibes and a good time. You don’t even have to worry about saying the wrong thing or doing something embarrassing because those people will laugh it off with you. Those are the people I like the most because you can be yourself around them.
I wish I didn’t waste all those times talking to you or thinking about you. I wish I didn’t worry or cared about all the times you ignored me. I wish I never got excited everytime you made me feel special, I wish I never believed every word you said. I wish I never got my hopes high for you. And I wish I never kept trying and trying, knowing I would just go through the same thing. Because in the end, the one that gets hurt isn’t you. It’s me.